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是末日？還是重生？（五）福智廣論班學員

Posted on 七月 15, 2014 in 佛法學習, 是末日？還是重生？, 福智廣論 | 是末日？還是重生？（五）福智廣論班學員 已關閉迴響。

清涼感恩

美國　張俶禎

身上的水瘤在我體內已超過六年之久，但因種種原因，一直沒有去處理它。直到六月份，因腫大壓迫到坐骨神經而痛得無法入眠，才再次找醫師診治，經由超音波掃描，發現水瘤已惡化且有異常的陰影，醫生認為非緊急開刀不可。開刀前因病痛使我在念四皈依時無法集中心力，這時我不由得開始擔心：這小小的病痛已讓我如此提不起心力，等我臨命終時又如何能生起皈依的心力呢！

蓮花

攝影：陳明泉先生

開刀前一晚，我重新把早已寫好的遺囑初稿重謄一遍，隔天一大早起來拜佛，並在出發到醫院前請了一顆摩尼丸。從上路的那一刻起，我的心情感到很清涼、很安心，也許是因為感覺有三寶、師長可依靠，所以一點也不擔心、害怕。

當我被推入開刀房準備室時，雪瓊師姐帶來了淨通法師的關心及叮嚀。法師教我如何觀想佛及師父(日常法師)，但我的程度較差，無法依著他老人家的交代去觀想，我只能觀想到常師父在新竹鳳山寺帶領我們念金光明經時的景象，就這樣一面觀想、一面默念著皈依，口中含著摩尼丸進入開刀房進行開刀。

從我進入麻醉狀況起至開完刀清醒過來的那一刻，我都清清楚楚的看到師父一直陪著我，盤坐著的師父是那麼的近、那麼的真實，是我從未有過的親近師父，我不禁淚流滿面，感激師父的加持。我是很不長進的弟子，而師父依然那麼慈悲的眷顧我，叫我不由得生起慚愧之心，也同時告訴自己：若不好好依著師父的教法去學、去作，怎麼對得起師父及自己！

幾個月前學到廣論中士道時，我實在害怕自己因往昔所造的太多惡業而感得無法善終，以致中陰身時無法選對投生到人道，在師父的座下及團體中繼續學習。經由這次開刀，感受到三寶及師父的加持，讓我對下一生更抱有希望及信心，只要我繼續努力，不離師長、團體，下一生一定有希望的。我們真的太有福報了，才能感得如此高量的師長來攝受，我無法用任何文藻、詞句來表達內心的感激，只有化為一句簡單、至誠的「常師父，謝謝您！」並感謝法師的關心及叮嚀。

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